The days are balancing between the dark of the night and the light of the daytime; it’s the time of year when we all start to get a little antsy, because we are ready to shed the cocoon of winter and all of its learnings to grow, expand, and even start to blossom. Change can be exciting and it can be activating to our nervous systems depending on the circumstances of our life at any given time, which means it can be either a time of fear like “what if’s” or more of a time of hope and possibility. We are all being asked to be discerning: where are you focusing your attention and where are you choosing not to? Where are you taking little risks? Where are you shifting fear to possibility and where are you choosing to nurture yourself or others with care?

Navigating fear is NOT about NOT getting scared, it’s about dancing with the active nervous system by often still doing what’s making us scared. It’s about finding a new pathway - the yes beneath the no that fear is creating. Our mind creates fear to protect us, but 90% of the time the fear is not real. How do you know when fear is truly protecting you? When does fear mean yes instead of no?  How do you tend to the wobble that fear creates inside of you, whether it’s in catastrophizing, limiting/doubting yourself, avoiding or freezing?

Fear is contagious because my nervous system responds to your nervous system and vice versa, if you activate and get scared, I do too. Even if we don’t quite identify it as fear, our nervous system is still activating, adapting to one another. But, possibility and hope are also contagious, if you believe it’s possible, I believe a little more too.

How will you choose to move through fear/an active nervous system and ripple the invitation of possibility around you?

^{Facing Fear on a Bridge}

One of my dearest friends who lives in San Francisco is scared of driving over bridges. For one main reason, she got stuck on a bridge in rush hour traffic. She was terrified. She could not open her doors because of the cars zooming by her. She recalled that her husband at the time refused to come get her, likely not fully understanding the gravity of the situation. She was trapped for 45 minutes with just the zooming sound of cars, activating her nervous system over and over and over again. 

Just after her 69th birthday, she asked me to be a support passenger to drive over bridges. I said “yes”, enthusiastically and took my job very seriously. I made an itinerary. I would pick her up at 7:45 am to avoid traffic; we would drive over three bridges total and jump in the ocean as a reward to calm our nervous systems and clear all the residual fear. 

When I arrived to pick her up, she was cleaning her car - an effective way to settle her nerves. Hesitation loomed as we got settled in our seats. She placed a picture of a brave, inspiring friend on her dashboard, explaining she had passed away. Her friend would look after us. We were ready.

The waves were huge and crashing against the sand. We got knee deep into the water before the current begin taunting my friend, threatening to knock her over. She persisted. I watched her courage with complete awe. I dunked in. When I popped my head up, she stood strong, smiling and in clarity to chose not to go in any further, trusting herself and her fear to keep her safe in this moment.  

When we drove over the final bridge to get home, the Golden Gate bridge, we didn’t hit a crescendo. She shared memories of raising her daughter and growing her business in San Francisco. My nervous system met hers and there was a peacefulness resting right next to and around the fear. The fear of driving over bridges…disrupted. Her nervous system changing, adapting in how it responds to fear, as it digested the new experiences we had together over the bridges.

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Writing Group to Support Your Nervous System

Reach out if you would like to join a writing group that will focus on curiosity, prompts, sharing and community support around how we can all better support the changing landscape of our nervous systems. The group will help you find more agency in knowing when to stretch, take a risk, and when to nurture, better care for, yourself and others. Connect about Group

If you are CURIOUS…connect with me for a 20 minute chat.