So happy you are here…

The longer nights usher in the time of year when the veil between this world of the living and the world of the dead is perceived to be the thinnest. For many of us it feels like we are in the in-between, a liminal time where continued instability feels inevitable globally, nationally, locally and personally, nudging and sometimes brutally kicking us into self-reflection. We are asked which patterns we are ready to let go of… what exactly do we need to let die? These patterns are often the ones that have helped us survive but no longer serve us. They are the old ways we have navigated the world. It is scary to let them go, because we are under the illusion that they still protect us. Though they are familiar, this does not actually truly evaluate their effectiveness. So, what patterns in you are you ready to let go of this season? How can you let them die, even if it is a thread of them?

The last few weeks have required us all to also become collectively-reflective (personally, locally, nationally and globally). We are being brutally faced with the polarities in humanity and the horrific violence we can unleash on one another. The collective stage is asking you, what you will do? Even if we are not in immediate danger, our nervous systems are activated because of what we are watching happen to others and for some our witnessing is causing us to re-experience traumas we have also personally experienced…so how do we show up in these times? For ourselves? For each other?

How do we call one another into curiosity, gentleness and creativity to move more towards love and joy? How do we not bypass the actions? Pain? Hopelessness? Suffering?

How do you feel grounded when the world feels unsafe?

How do we create a bridge to a new possibility? Like a peace treaty. An end to genocide. How do we stop polarizing and killing one another? How are we even kinder to those we love and to ourselves?

LATEST FROM MY BLOG…

Do you know that you died on my birthday in 2017? Do you know the impact you had on my life? Do you hear me when I still talk to you?

I wish I could go to your house and get the hugs you gave, where your chin would dig so hard into my chest that I wanted to pull back just a little… but I never did, because they were so full of love. And then, after a minute, you would pull away just a little and say, “Dirgy, busy day? good day?” Do you remember you used to call me Dirgy, because that is how you said my name? I remember every time you asked me that question over and over again. Sometimes it was to ask me about my day, and other times it felt like you were asking my heart how it was today and reminding it over and over that it was okay - even on the really heartbreaking days. Then you would say, “I love you too, Dirgy,” and I would respond, “I love you too, Elise.”

If I was with you today, I would pick up two cups of chocolate “ice com” and sit in the sun to eat it in the park with you. And I would ask, how do I cope with all that is breaking my heart, how do I love better, like you do and how do I…we, teach the world what you taught me about holding love? How do we heal collectively and personally?

I have been watching movies about kids with developmental disabilities lately to feel close to you and find hope in the world. One was about a little boy who loved every part of people, especially the parts they didn’t want anyone to see. Another was about a group of unapologetic teenagers with various types of disabilities unashamedly following their pleasures and holding those without disabilities ruthlessly accountable to their hearts.

I was hired to care for you for 10 years, but I am not sure I ever cared for you as much as you cared for me. You were only 15 years older than me and yet 100s of years wiser than anyone I have ever met. You raised me in some ways because I was only 18 when we met.

You taught me how to be present when all I had ever learned was to disassociate and scatter as survival skills. I remember taking a breath before walking into your house each day. Grounding myself…choosing to be fully present for you and, for the first time, learning how to for myself as well.

You taught me how to be in my body when I had learned to hover outside it. Somehow in the tightest of your squeeze, where I could barely take a full breath, I learned how to be more in “me.” Your hugs changed me.

You taught me how to truly love a stranger. You would tell the cashier at a grocery store who was clearly having a bad day, “I love you too,” and then you would hug them. I melted each time.

You taught me how to play, and that curiosity is the most valuable way to connect. You would wrestle me and pin me, and we would laugh and laugh and laugh.

You taught me how to care for me and to care for you by anchoring inside me, returning to my body, loving deeply and living in play and curiosity.

You taught me how to hold another, by holding you. You couldn’t tell me what was wrong if you were sick or your heart hurt, and so I had to pay attention. I had to learn you… learn when something changed, what patterns you had and when they shifted. I had to learn to listen with every part of me to every part of you.

In our friendship in the years before you died, after I had stopped being your caregiver, your hug returned me to me and made me want to love everyone and everything more. And you would say “I love you too, Dirgy” over and over, before I could say a word.

I miss you.

And, you are still here every moment. Thank you for helping me remember. Always.

OFFERINGS

Free Workshop: Tending to Your Nervous System and How to Share Regulation in the Holding of Others

Learn how to regulate your nervous system better with all that is happening in the world, your community, your family and inside of you.

(This is intentionally after the holiday weekend…because they can brew polarities among other things, and we can work with what shows up to create new tools.) 

How do you hold yourself in Chaos? With gentleness and by deeply caring for the part of you that only you can hold.

How do you hold others in Chaos? You make yourself an anchor… a tree with deep roots.

How do we hold each other in Chaos? We remind each other of what’s possible when everything feels hopeless. And you call one another in over and over again.

This group is perfect for you if you are a giver and prioritize supporting others.

You will leave this group with new ways to care for your nervous system and all the nervous systems around you.

Join me for a Free workshop and group coaching on Monday 11/27 at 12 - 1 PST.

Reach out to sign up and get the ZOOM link.

(Nervous System Regulation comes in phases. If you are in danger, there are different care strategies than if your mind just thinks you are in danger. If your basic needs or safety are in danger in anyway that needs to be tended to first.)

Reminder…Climbing + Coaching (for Adults and Children)

(Nervous System Regulation comes in phases. If you are in danger, there are different care strategies than if your mind just thinks you are in danger. If your basic needs or safety are in danger in anyway, that needs to be tended to first.)

If you are CURIOUS about coaching…connect with me for a 20 minute chat.